Where Does Love Go When We Break Up?

So, the heart-broken isn’t a disease that can’t be cured — the heartbroken is the strongest most beautiful misunderstood group. They have loved and lost, been alone and grown.

They search for many answers, especially: “Where does our love go when we break up?” — humans crave closure.

Love doesn’t go away, it doesn’t have feet it can’t run. Those feelings created, molded for that one person don’t disappear overnight, they seem to be left lingering in the air — nowhere to go, the love is left in a directionless way hoping to find its way back to them, but more so it doesn’t make it and you are left heartbroken — feeling lost, wandering to get back home.

You invested time, emotion & energy into this soul. But remember there is a bond between you and this person that is unique, that is unlike anyone else — and that love will always be there, not just in you, but in them as well.

What if they have moved on you might ask? You feel hurt, you feel like this person must be better than you, you start to tear yourself apart piece by piece. Let me stop your self-abuse right now. No one can compete with the love you two had.

That new person who you think replaced you — didn’t. You can’t be replaced; there will always be the only one you. They might try to replicate what you two had, but there is only one original Starry Night and you’ll always be the masterpiece foolishly left behind.

Don’t think that when they hear that song you sung in the car together or smells that perfume you used to wear, or finds those letters you gave that their heart doesn’t flutter, that their mind doesn’t race back to your smile, to all the jokes and adventures you went on — or even simpler when they look at nature and see a sunflower that they don’t think of how you radiated in their eyes — they do.

You are missed, just as you are missing them.

Sometimes we selfishly break each other because time wasn’t on our side, or maybe there is another complicated reason for the way your heart broke.

Whatever happened, remember you are loved, you are beautiful, inside and out — keep that heart on your sleeve. Go live, really live there is so much to see in this world than just those eyes you crave.

You’ll find a new love that surpasses the one who broke you.

Finding a soulmate is beautiful but finding yourself is life changing.

Perhaps loving someone has nothing to do with being with them forever, but caring about them forever. Selfless love.

And remember if someone asks: “Where does love go when you break up?” I say the relationship, the friendship might end, but true love never dies, never leaves. It stays living underneath it all.

Believe and know that you are enough, love lost is not love failed. I look at you and I don’t see someone heartbroken, or obsessed I see someone who loves selflessly and that’s the most breathtaking love from the purest soul. You put someone first before yourself. But now it’s your turn to tuck that love into the back of your heart and move forward. I know you’re in pain, I know you love them and guess what? They love you too.

commitment ring

Is he keeping you around for selfish reasons?

Are you just filling up a void in his life? Women don’t enjoy playing ‘second’ in a man’s life, but when you are filling a void for him, often you will never be first.

There are many men who have a difficult time being alone, don’t want to give up their bachelor ways, or who spend too much emotional time pining over their Ex—a relationship that countless times has not worked. Instead of opening their hearts to the process of “newness,” they will fill this empty space with a “for now.”

Often when a guy is emotionally guarded or shutdown, but still wants you in his life—you are there to fill a void for him. This void could be mental, emotional, spiritual, physical or all four. Although this might sound like an appealing situation to be in, it’s not—especially if you are wanting more.

A guy who wants you—just for the sole purpose of filling his void—will work hard not share his heart space with you. There will be an obvious emotional wall between you (that he has put up) and he will dart from any type of commitment—not letting himself get too close to you. But, he will continue to keep you around. Why?

Becoming his void filler occurs when:

  • He is not over his Ex—he is hoping one day they will get back together, but for now, you are “good enough”
  • He is emotionally unavailable—he has been emotionally scarred from a past relationship(s) and is emotionally closed off, but still enjoys the company of a woman
  • He is a guys guy—he has become overly depended on his male friendships—he doesn’t know how to make time, effort and frankly the space in life for a woman
  • He doesn’t see you in his future—he’s keeping you around until a “better” suited woman comes along.
  • He is a game player and enjoys playing the field (sleeping with multiple women)
  • He is afraid to be alone, but again, does not see a future with you
  • He is stuck in his “bachelor” ways and doesn’t want to disrupt that
  • He does not believe he deserves love
  • He is afraid of getting his heart “broken” so he keeps you at a distance

The void you are being used to fill in his life is happening until something or someone better comes along. Or, maybe it’s because he’s bored and selfish.

Here’s the thing, when the connection is there you can feel it but, he is set on “not wanting to be in a relationship” and removes all other options off the table—not letting the experience between you be organic—not only are you are wasting your time and energy, he is also missing out on the opportunity to connect with you in a meaningful way.

Filling a void means we are a temporary stand-in until someone or something else better (in his opinion) comes along. It’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop—you don’t know when or where, but eventually it will happen (you will be pushed out of his life)—the second a new (or possibly old) pair arrives. Ouch!

When you get your heartbroken, or a relationship ends in a negative way, it is natural to want to take a break from relationships. If you need to “find yourself,” go find yourself. If you need to seek therapy to understand what went wrong, go to therapy. What you should not do is start dating when you are not ready.

Most women don’t want to hear that a man does not want a committed relationship because he needs to “rediscover” himself, especially when he expects us to keep dating him while he does his “soul-searching.”

Communication is important in all relationships. However, when you first meet someone, you probably will not be discussing your future committed relationship. That conversation will hopefully happen later—after you get to know one another, trust is built, respect and love have grown. Does this mean we should close ourselves off to the possibility of a relationship until that happens? No. How will any of those things one day happen if we do?

is he keeping you for selfish reasons

Everything happens for a reason…

Let’s keep it real, there are no guarantees in love. However, if we weren’t looking for a connection and one is brought to us, then maybe, just maybe the connection is worth exploring?

All things are brought into our lives for a reason. Why close ourselves off by predicting the future assuming a relationship won’t work? Therefore we subconsciously end up creating an emotional barrier—keeping potential love away? Creating this type of barrier can cause us to flee the second we start to feel—happy, vulnerable, excited, a sincere connection or love…

Life is short, and caring or possibly loving someone can be scary—especially when we have had relationship failures in our past. The question we need to consider is, “do we want to be with someone who has closed themselves off to the possibility of a committed relationship because they are too scared to take a risk?”

Ladies, hold out for a man who has healed himself. A man who is open to the possibility of a committed relationship. This isn’t about needing a guy to rush into a relationship, instead, it’s about being with a guy who is open wholeheartedly. To the process and doesn’t purposely or subconscious hold himself back.

It takes two whole people to ultimately have a successful relationship. If you are in his life to fill a void, chances are, you will one day be replaced.