Where Does Love Go When We Break Up?

So, the heart-broken isn’t a disease that can’t be cured — the heartbroken is the strongest most beautiful misunderstood group. They have loved and lost, been alone and grown.

They search for many answers, especially: “Where does our love go when we break up?” — humans crave closure.

Love doesn’t go away, it doesn’t have feet it can’t run. Those feelings created, molded for that one person don’t disappear overnight, they seem to be left lingering in the air — nowhere to go, the love is left in a directionless way hoping to find its way back to them, but more so it doesn’t make it and you are left heartbroken — feeling lost, wandering to get back home.

You invested time, emotion & energy into this soul. But remember there is a bond between you and this person that is unique, that is unlike anyone else — and that love will always be there, not just in you, but in them as well.

What if they have moved on you might ask? You feel hurt, you feel like this person must be better than you, you start to tear yourself apart piece by piece. Let me stop your self-abuse right now. No one can compete with the love you two had.

That new person who you think replaced you — didn’t. You can’t be replaced; there will always be the only one you. They might try to replicate what you two had, but there is only one original Starry Night and you’ll always be the masterpiece foolishly left behind.

Don’t think that when they hear that song you sung in the car together or smells that perfume you used to wear, or finds those letters you gave that their heart doesn’t flutter, that their mind doesn’t race back to your smile, to all the jokes and adventures you went on — or even simpler when they look at nature and see a sunflower that they don’t think of how you radiated in their eyes — they do.

You are missed, just as you are missing them.

Sometimes we selfishly break each other because time wasn’t on our side, or maybe there is another complicated reason for the way your heart broke.

Whatever happened, remember you are loved, you are beautiful, inside and out — keep that heart on your sleeve. Go live, really live there is so much to see in this world than just those eyes you crave.

You’ll find a new love that surpasses the one who broke you.

Finding a soulmate is beautiful but finding yourself is life changing.

Perhaps loving someone has nothing to do with being with them forever, but caring about them forever. Selfless love.

And remember if someone asks: “Where does love go when you break up?” I say the relationship, the friendship might end, but true love never dies, never leaves. It stays living underneath it all.

Believe and know that you are enough, love lost is not love failed. I look at you and I don’t see someone heartbroken, or obsessed I see someone who loves selflessly and that’s the most breathtaking love from the purest soul. You put someone first before yourself. But now it’s your turn to tuck that love into the back of your heart and move forward. I know you’re in pain, I know you love them and guess what? They love you too.


Love is a Choice

Most of us tend to focus on falling in love and use the feeling of love to determine the duration of a relationship. Falling in love is easy to do, almost effortless, but losing that loving feeling is not that hard to do, either.

Of course, when a relationship is new, it is fun and enjoyable courting or being courted. In the beginning, we are constantly thinking about the new person in our life, and wanting to spend all of our time together and share new experiences together. We want to show how we feel by getting cards or flowers or just sending a cute text message.

Feelings, however, can be fleeting. No one seems to want to talk about how those loving feelings can fade, that it takes work to keep the love alive and that choosing to stay in love is a choice we all must make.

Who we love is as much of a choice as it is a feeling. Staying in love takes a commitment. After the rosy glow of the new relationship wears off, we have to make a decision: Do we want to love this person and commit to a relationship together, or are we going to let this person go?

Once we have made the decision that we have found the person we want to be with and commit to, the work begins. A big part of that work is making many other choices.

It is a choice to see the good in our partner every day, rather than focusing on the negative things that bother us. We have to accept them and love them as they are. If we go into a relationship thinking we can change someone, we are setting our relationship and ourselves up to fail. We all have flaws and quirks and are weird in some ways. Accepting those differences is part of love.

We can choose to ignore the petty, irritating small things our partner may do. If our partner forgets to take out the garbage, or leaves the cap off the toothpaste, we can talk about it with them, but we also can accept that this just might be forgetful, and choose to move on. Trying to change our partner into us is one of the biggest relationship mistakes we can make.

When we are unhappy with how things are in our relationship, it is easy to overfocus on what we are not getting from the relationship. Instead, a healthier response is to see what we could be doing for our partner, rather than focusing on what they are not doing for us. We should always try to be supportive of our partner, because we cannot expect anything from our partner that we are not willing to give ourselves.

Another important choice we can make is to choose to remember the reasons why we committed to this person. Our relationship will not always be pleasant and there will be times for serious discussions and disagreement. There will be trying times and even bad times that we will need to work through together. The key to surviving these times is to remember to be respectful, acknowledge our commitment, and work through whatever is at hand together. During these times it really helps to remind ourselves of why we chose to love them in the first place.

Love is all about choices. We choose to see the good, ignore the petty, look for what we could do for our partner, and remember why we love our partner. Choosing to put in the effort to do these things is what love looks like, and with that work comes the wonderful reward of staying in love.

The Love I Never Knew

Valentine’s Day is around the corner and probably the most celebrated day after Christmas. You could see couples going out on special date nights that’s well planned out. The florist shop earns higher revenues on this day -each busy delivering a door-to-door service to homes and offices and holiday destination are fully booked just to celebrate togetherness of the other person that we call ours.

I always had a different idea of love when I was growing up. I always desired a romantic, lovey-dovey person that could just send me sweet text messages all day long, leaving me to day dream about him with my eyes open (if you are a teenager you could totally relate to this). But as life evolved for me I started understanding the other side of love that I never knew.

What is love?  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Wow! That’s a whole lot of lengthy explanation just for this one word called love? Yes. Love makes the world go crazy and it drives people crazy to do everything and anything for that one special person. However, we still witness failed marriages, break-ups, abuse and violence in a relationship.

I grew up with a single mother. She showered us all (my sibling & I) with genuine love and kindness. Mommy made us laugh and smile and she has never failed to put up a smile even when it hurts her the most. Her love is beyond every limitations in this world. I can come home from work after a stressful day in the office and mommy’s brightest aura and affection will lighten up my soul. This here, is genuine love. My mother’s love is kind and not self-seeking. Over a period of time in my life, the idea of love also grew and changed. I came across people that had taught me how to love when it is undeserving. Similarly, I forgave my ex-father and learnt how to love him in my own pace.

I had fallen in love and fallen out of love and my oh my, I got my heart broken along this process.

Love really is not a feeling. It is a ‘verb’ as I like to say, and from it springs a wealth of emotions that motivates you to accept imperfections, to see yourself and see how you can contribute to making a good life, relationship and marriage work. That connection that makes discussions meaningful, that makes disagreements workable and fun times filled with laughter.

So if you think that love is all about chocolates and meet-ups in the mall then you are so wrong my friend. Real love is caring about the happiness of another person without wanting anything in return. Imagine that I tell you I love you. I smile at you, speak kind words to you, and perhaps even present you with a gift of some kind. Understandably, you enjoy this, as we all would. This is an act of genuine kindness. This is the kind of real love I never knew. Happy Valentines Day! What’s your ideal thoughts about love? Share with me.

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